5 TIPS ON HOW TO TALK ABOUT SEX WITH YOUR CHILDREN
In today’s culture, the subject of sex is very shameful. The media paint a perverse picture of what sex should be like, while the church rarely says a word. And then we have a one-time silent “whispering conversation” with our children, which is full of embarrassment and may leave them uncomfortable and scared. But what we have forgotten is that sex is God’s idea! He is not afraid of it, is not ashamed and hides Nothing! When God said, “Be fertile and multiply,” he gave us a sexual drive, and it is time for the Church to speak about God’s heart for sex, to develop a healthy sexual culture, and thus to break the shame that our culture overcomes that has evolved over the years. Here are some practical tips on how to talk to your kids about sex:
1. CELEBRATE SEXUALITY.
It is God’s idea and he speaks of it throughout the Bible. He’s not nervous about sex and he created sex as something beautiful and desirable. Proverbs 5: 18-19 says: “Enjoy your wife whom you married as a young man. Let it be a source of blessing for you. Admire her beauty and grace! Always intoxicate yourself with her breasts and with the love she gives you! ” That’s in the Book of Proverbs – the Book of the Bible that’s known for its wisdom! Isn’t God’s heart beautiful for sex? Sex is something that should be celebrated instead of hiding it.
2. TEACH THE FORCE OF THE VICTIM.
The goal of a healthy sexual culture is not to get rid of the craving for sex, but to learn to deal with the appetite for sex. We must stop using shame as a means to achieve this. Teach your children that a no to temptation today means a yes to a better future. The value of virginity lies precisely in the struggle that is necessary to preserve virginity. Virginity gives them something valuable to sacrifice and fight for, and then give it away to the person they love on their wedding night.
3. TEACH YOU FROM LITTLE TO TAKE YOUR DESIRE.
This principle starts when you are young! Remember how your kids cry when they want a candy bar. We can help them control this craving by telling them to wait until after dinner with the candy. In this way, they train that their wishes do not have to be satisfied immediately. As an adolescent, they already learned how to wait for good things. We cannot always get what we want, whenever we want it, and every child has to learn this lesson from an early age. This will only help them cope with their sexual appetite when they are older.
4. DO NOT PUNISH ONLY TO KEEP YOUR PURE.
We cannot create anything positive by forcing negative things. In other words, we can’t motivate our children to be pure by saying, “Better not have sex, or you’ll get pregnant!” Rather let your children go free and encourage them to fight for their purity. Give them an idea of how important it is to wait. Instead of a weak, fear-motivated “no” to temptation, they can be motivated by a strong “yes” to something beautiful. Instead of motivating them through punishment and shame, help them create a battle plan and continually support them in keeping it. Best of all, if your kids fail, God can restore everything, including their sexuality.
5. CREATE A SAFE PLACE WHERE YOU CAN TALK ABOUT SEX.
Conduct age-appropriate conversations about sex with your children over the course of their lives, so that communication is not only limited to “the sex talk”, but becomes a normal part of your family culture. This is where the principle of first mention comes into play. This principle states that hearing a subject for the first time lays the foundation for our beliefs on that subject. We weigh everything else that we are told about this subject against the basic values that we have learned. In other words, the first time you listen, you get a kind of glasses through which we always look at the topic. Let’s be the kind of parent who creates these glasses and the perspective through which our kids look at sex. Let’s teach them the values of the Kingdom by talking about the value sex has for God, and if it is difficult for you to talk about sex with your children, practice with your spouse. Familiarize yourself with the subject so that you do not project embarrassment or shame when you actually speak about the subject.
I know this can be a challenge for some parents out there, because you probably didn’t grow up in a healthy sex culture. Today I want to encourage you to break this pattern and start a new culture with your family! I pray that you will get supernatural wisdom and be equipped with arrows of purity and morality. I pray that you know how to bring light into the dark. I break all shame over you and your home in the name of Jesus. I release joy over you and a celebration of sexuality that you have God’s heart on this subject!