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SEX & MARRIAGE

Sex and marriage – two words that no longer seem to really fit together. It seems like the story is told like this: “Husbands can never get enough and wives clench their teeth regularly.” In our own marriage we experienced this firsthand. It took us years to learn to fully enjoy sex – and to be honest, until we understood that sex in marriage is not a luxury, but rather a necessity.

Sex and marriage – two words that no longer seem to really fit together. It seems like the story is told like this: “Husbands can never get enough and wives clench their teeth regularly.” In our own marriage we experienced this firsthand. It took us years to learn to fully enjoy sex – and to be honest, until we understood that sex in marriage is not a luxury, but rather a necessity.

Many of our fights in this area have been similar to that of many other couples. For me it never felt like we had enough sex and Cait had no desire for it at all. In fact, it took us a long time to experience absolute fulfillment. And yes, I mean exactly what it suggests! In fact, we were married for eleven years before she had her first orgasm. We fought and argued for eleven years, wondering what we were doing wrong. We loved each other dearly, but for some reason we couldn’t figure out how to get into a healthy sexual rhythm. At this point, everyone who goes through this understands what influence a bad sex life can have on other areas of the relationship.

We often found ourselves in situations where we were snappy and impatient. From time to time it felt like we were more of a parent to the other than a lover during those years. We are grateful that these things changed in 2017 and have only gotten better since then.

This process made me ask myself some important questions, such as: “Why do I have such a great desire for sex?” Sometimes I compared my need for sex with Cait’s lack of desire and thought, “Why is it with me so blatant? Why do I need something that she seems to despise? Am I really just an animal? ”This is an important question for a person who thinks that they themselves have a stronger sex drive than their partner.

The answer is actually quite simple. God created sex with the aim of creating a strong bond between husband and wife. When I started to discover God’s design in scriptures like Matthew 19: 6; 1. Corinthians 7: 1-7 (HfA and New Life are both wonderful) and of course a lot from the Song of Songs, I realized that sex is an important building block for marriage. In addition to the Word of God, I studied the biological processes and chemical messengers like vasopressin, dopamine and oxytocin that are released in my brain when I make love to my wife. It is obvious that God created sex as a powerful means by which I bind my body, soul and spirit to your body, soul and spirit. When I understood that I was made in this way, it helped me to silence the lies that I could otherwise have believed.

It also made me very passionate about the value and importance of sex in marriage today. It seems that for many, sex has become a “luxury” rather than a necessary expression of love. Just as my wife and I discovered the beauty of sex, I’m just grateful that we never gave up trying to experience sex the way God envisioned it.

It took years of trial and error, moments of failure and absolutely hurtful conversations. To hear from her that she did not enjoy dealing with this fact and not blaming her. Then I also looked for ways to express my desire for her without making her feel like an object. These are just a few of the obstacles that we have overcome and still overcome in some ways. There were even times when I considered it my lot in life to love a woman who couldn’t fill me in this area. I decided to look for other ways to love and be loved by her. In retrospect, I realize that the decision not to have sex was not really an option if I wanted to have a healthy and fulfilling marriage. God didn’t create sex as an optional upgrade for marriage, but as a crucial part of the foundation.

When I look at the state of our culture regarding marriages, I realize that we urgently need great marriages that have great sex! Let me briefly make a few shortcuts for you before thinking that a Christian shouldn’t talk like that.

The Pew Research Center (Pew Research Center) found in a study of the millennium generation mindset about marriage that many expressed the following point of view: “It is time to welcome new ideas about romance and family and to acknowledge that traditional marriage as the highest ideal of society has come to an end. “

Millennials will marry less than any other generation before. Those who actually get married will do so much later. To speak clearly, our culture is losing faith in marriage. Why is that?

In the past few decades, we haven’t really given people anything to believe in when it comes to marriage. Everyone knows the divorce rates, which leads many to think that divorce is not a question of “whether” but “when”. Think about how marriage is often described: “a bondage” or “the end of freedom”. Most people think of sex as something exciting and erotic when you’re young and single. And, conversely, think it’s boring and rare when you’re married.

Ok, so why have I switched from a personal blog entry to a statement about our culture? Because I believe that one of the best things we can do for ourselves, our children and our society is to have good, deeply connected and intimate sex in marriage! Our children will look at these marriages and hope that one day they will have such a marriage. Our culture will recognize that God was right when He said: “It is not a good thing that man is alone … the two will be one flesh and no one should separate what God has put together.”

I heartily ask the married couples: DO NOT GIVE UP! Have sex, even if it’s not gorgeous. Learn together, try new things. Makes it a priority to love each other in a way that connects body, soul and spirit. Your future and the next generation will thank you.

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